How do you mess up crème brûlée?

You mess up crème brûlée by using the wrong size ramekin, using whole eggs, getting water in the pudding, torching the wrong sugar, and trying to broil the caramel. Crème brûlée is traditionally baked in a wide, shallow ramekin. Using whole eggs will give the pudding a firmer texture. Getting water in the mix will ruin the texture, giving it a pebbled surface and soggy interior. You really need to use white granulated sugar. Yes, you absolutely need a kitchen torch for this task.